I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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