Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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