dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
