just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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