i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
How does one acquire holy water?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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