you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
