The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
