I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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