overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
