The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
