I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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