You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
