just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
