counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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