I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
