Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
