i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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