Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
