i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
