my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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