His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Randomize
