apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
