The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
