And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
