Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
