Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
ttyl tear gas
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
