TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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