Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
this is an emotional support booty call
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
