i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
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She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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