I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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