Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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