Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
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They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
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Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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