he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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