Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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