After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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