Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
