And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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