Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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