I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
