I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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