Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
