Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
