DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
