she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
