Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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