Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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