His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
