At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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