If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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