he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
