I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
