Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
