Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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