So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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