omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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