i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
