He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
