Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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