pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
