i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
