sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
do herpes really smell.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
