It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
