I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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