How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
