You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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