You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
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I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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