Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
