u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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